The day I declare all women beautiful AGAIN, or why I will not EVER back down.

An open letter to those who think sexism is dead and the darn feminists need to stop being so angry:

I haven't been blogging much lately, so when I noticed that I was getting a lot of page views, and a few really angry comments, I was curious. The majority were from a web site called Single Dude Travel, which seemed odd, since I'm not single, nor a dude, nor do I write about travel. Turns out, they had just linked to me because I'm a "retarded feminist." They said I was too much of a silly idiot woman to take on directly, but they linked to an article that did. I will not link to them here, because they don't deserve the attention. But basically their response to my argument against fat-shaming was that I'm a fat lesbian, so OF COURSE I feel that way. From there, I found a link to an article that argued that women are not fit to participate in the public sphere (seriously!!!), and they used my blog post as a prime example--apparently, I'm too emotional to tell people they're ugly or obese, so I make up pseudo-arguments to make myself feel better. I shouldn't quote this guy, because he does not deserve the attention, but I have to, because I cannot make this shit up (Grey is the guy who called me a fat lesbian, and when the author refers to Feministing, he's talking about my post, not the whole site):

Grey’s argument was perfectly sound, but in a sense his engagement with Feministing is pointless. The author of the original post is a woman. Of course she’s going to say absurd things in order to ensure that no one feels bad. We should accept that. Often we ought to praise women for their sensitivities while ignoring their so-called arguments.

It's the ovaries. They give me the crazies. (Also, I love that he tries to make that seem like a compliment...?) Oh, but the problem with this logic is that I AM cool with making some people feel bad...like people who think I'm too emotional to participate in the public sphere... However, if he STILL feels that I am "hysterical," he could always send me a vibrator--I hear they used to use those to cure the "womb crazies" and stuff--I would gladly accept such, uh, medication for my "problem."

But my point is, people say these things. Maybe not to your face, because you said nothing to provoke them. Or maybe because they're scared. Or maybe you thought what they said was a joke. But it's not. As much as I laughed at what these guys said about me, this is not a joke. This is serious. PEOPLE STILL THINK WOMEN SHOULD NOT PARTICIPATE IN THE PUBLIC SPHERE. THIS IS REAL. It's extreme, I know. Most of you will be like, "But I support women working!" But, just as problematically, PEOPLE STILL USE FAT LESBIAN AS AN INSULT. And that's a mainstream opinion.

On the one hand, I kind of feel like I earned a badge of honour. I mean, you hear of feminists being accused of being lesbians all the time--you know, the whole we're-too-ugly-to-actually-get-a-guy thing, the we're-bitter-angry-ugly-lesbians thing--but no one had ever said that to me! I was feeling kind of left out. Now I can join the club. Interestingly, I actually find it highly problematic that I've never been called a lesbian before. Because that says a lot more about what a lesbian can't be than it does about me. I don't get called a lesbian because most people that I've engaged with in arguments about feminism have seen what I look like. I'm thin. I have long dirty blonde hair. I wear a bra and girly tops and tight jeans or short shorts or skirts and I have a lot of pretty, impractical shoes. I put on mascara and lip gloss daily. I have long nails and I shave my legs. I'm young and white and conventionally attractive. By not calling me a lesbian, people are essentially saying that the only women who are lesbians are those who do not fit into heteronormative beauty standards. They are saying that if you're deemed "fuckable" by men, then there's no way you could refuse the penis! But all these guys online know is that I'm "getting all emotional" about the "fat chicks" and their "feelings" so I must be a lesbian. A fat one, too. Sorry, sweethearts, I'm actually not a lesbian--I don't refuse all penis, just yours, you misogynistic fuckwads. (Come on, call me a slut now--I dare you.)

But, on the other hand, telling me (or, no, sorry, telling men behind my back) that my voice does not belong in the public sphere? You better be prepared for what you've started. I have never been more motivated to put my voice out there. Oh, and I'm a PhD student, too, or I will be in a few months, so you better believe that I have the avenues to do so. I will stir shit up. I'm only just getting started. You think that one blog post was something? I wrote that rant in twenty minutes. I never expected it to go viral; I was writing it for the hundred-odd friends and family that usually read my blog. You just wait and see what I can do when I actually put my mind to it. You will not break me.

Sincerely,

The thin white straight girl who STILL believes that ALL WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL

This is what a feminist looks like.

The day I defended our grammatical right to choose, or why people need to stop arguing about the Oxford comma.

You know what I am SUPER sick of? THIS PICTURE:

I appreciate its humour. I really do. The bottom picture? HILAIR. (Okay, I've never said "hilair" before in my life. It felt weird.)

WAIT. WAIT. Do you want to know what I just did? I was seriously IN THE MIDDLE of writing a works cited page for a response paper I was working on...like all it says right now is:

Works Cited  

Freeman, Elizabeth. Time Binds

That's not even the full title!! And I have the book open on my lap as if I'm going to get the rest of the information out of it but I HAVEN'T DONE IT. How did I end up here writing about strippers and Oxford commas? Let's try this again.

Okay. Works cited done. Back to the commas and the strippers. I am not sick of this picture because it's not funny. And I'm sick of it only partially because it's been circulating for like a year or so now and it still pops up in my news feed every once in a while and people are all like "LOLOLOLOLOL punctuation is funny" and I'm all like SERIOUSLY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS SEEN THIS 900 TIMES? STOP LAUGHING. AND ALSO I'VE BEEN TRYING TO CONVINCE PEOPLE TO PAY ATTENTION TO PUNCTUATION MY ENTIRE LIFE AND THIS IS WHAT IT TOOK TO GET YOU TO PAY ATTENTION? DEAD WORLD LEADERS IN LINGERIE?

The real reason I'm sick of this picture is because people use it as an excuse to get into a Facebook photo comments debate about the Oxford comma. First of all, debates should just not take place there. Too many people get too many notifications they don't want and inevitably the conversation turns into one person saying "I CAN'T TRUST YOU BECAUSE YOU SPELLED SOMETHING WRONG" and the other person responding "ONLY PRETENSHUS DOUCHEBAGS CORRECT SPELLING ON FACEBOOK," which is hilarious in this instance because the entire argument was about a comma in the first place and also they spelled "pretentious" wrong because only pretentious people know how to spell that. Second of all, THIS DEBATE IS STUPID. Yes, there are instances where the Oxford comma clears up possible misunderstandings, like when you're inviting the strippers, JFK and Stalin somewhere, or when you're having eggs, toast and orange juice for breakfast. (Is the orange juice on the toast or alongside it?!?! What?!?! How can I tell?!?! THINK ABOUT IT, YOU KNOB!) But you know what? Sometimes the Oxford comma is the CAUSE of these misunderstandings. What if I write: "We invited JFK, the stripper, and Stalin"? OMG THAT SOUNDS LIKE JFK IS A STRIPPER. I'm so funny.

So here's the deal. Sometimes using the Oxford comma can cause problems, and sometimes not using the Oxford comma can cause problems. And sometimes these problems are funny! And we should totally giggle about them! But using the Oxford comma (or not) is a stylistic choice. Neither way is right or wrong. If you're following a specific style guide, check with that style guide to see if they use it or not and then do what the style guide says. As Jeff Deck and Benjamin D. Henson point out in The Great Typo Hunt, the Associated Press style guide eliminates "anything deemed unnecessary for communicating an idea," including the Oxford (or serial) comma (81). (LOOK. I cited it. That's how professional I'm being about this.) From what I remember about copy editing for my undergraduate student newspaper, the Canadian Press style guide doesn't use the Oxford comma either. I have just consulted my copy of the seventh edition of the MLA Handbook for Writers of Research Papers and apparently MLA uses the Oxford comma (67), although I don't. Here is what Lynne Truss has to say about it in her book Eats, Shoot and Leaves:

See that comma-shaped shark fin ominously slicing through the waves in this direction? Hear that staccato cello? Well, start waving and yelling, because it is the so-called Oxford comma (also known as the serial comma) and it is a lot more dangerous than its exclusive, ivory-tower moniker might suggest. There are people who embrace the Oxford comma and people who don't, and I'll just say this: never get between these people when drink has been taken. Oh, the Oxford comma..... In Britain, where standard usage is to leave it out, there are those who put it in--including, interestingly, Fowler's Modern English Usage. In America, conversely, where standard usage is to leave it in, there are those who make a point of removing it (especially journalists).... My own feeling is that one shouldn't be too rigid about the Oxford comma. Sometimes the sentence is improved by including it; sometimes it isn't. (84-85)

The woman, who calls herself a stickler and was berated by many (including Deck and Henson) for being too strict with the rules, says it doesn't matter.

So I don't care what you have to say about it. I refuse to argue with you about it. You can use it, or you can leave it out. It's a stylistic choice. And I believe in your right to choose to make your sentences as clear or as opaque as you like. If you want people to think your mother is a pirate, go ahead and write, "I invited my mother, a pirate, and my high school English teacher." (Regardless of whether or not your mother is the pirate, this sounds like a fascinating get-together.) Please respect others' right to make this choice.

The (soon-to-be) Master has spoken. Get over it.

In other news, this video is HILAIR. No strippers. No commas! Just one word.

The day I finally wrote about blogging and resistance, or why (despite how bleak things seem) all hope is not lost.

So I promised in my last post that I would talk about blogging and resistance. And I will. Right now. This is a terrible introduction and I'm not sure how to transition to my point now. I'm just going to do it.

This term, the mandatory cultural studies and critical theory course is focused on the theme of resistance. And, consequently, I've been thinking a lot about the practicalities of resistance--how can we productively resist? Are there forms of productive resistance that do not involve putting my life and body in danger? If I'm not putting my life as I know it in danger, then am I using my privilege as a crutch? Am I not resisting my own privilege...and if not, how can I productively resist anything? And then, of course, there's the other side of that--if I am in a place where I do not have the privilege to put my life on the line (and by life I mean literal life, as in beating heart and breathing and all that, but also my lifestyle and the realities of my day-to-day life), am I denied the privilege to resist? And should I then be focusing on resisting a system that does not allow equal access to resistance? But what does "resistance" even mean? Is all resistance created equal? Is resistance to gay marriage equal to the resistance to capitalism and neoliberalism demonstrated by the Occupy Wall Street protesters? And how useful is it for me to be sitting here contemplating resistance and the different forms of resistance when I could be out there (wherever there is...I have a feeling it's in that pesky "real world" that I keep having trouble locating...) resisting something? But why should I resist something just for the sake of resisting something?

"Resist" doesn't look like a word anymore.

There's this idea that the Internet represents this open, democratic space--perfect for resistance of all kinds! (No, I'm not going to cite my sources on that one. This is a blog, not an academic paper, and I'm going to milk that for all it's worth. So no citations! HA! You're just going to have to trust me that this idea exists.) And while to some extent I agree with this, because, as this blog proves, anyone can pretty much publish anything they want for free on the Internet, there's still a problem of access. And I don't just mean that there are people who don't have computers or wi-fi or whatever (while that is true). I mean that not all web pages can be found. I mean that powerful companies can purchase "space" on the Internet--not literal space, but highly visible spots on Google's search results and things like that. You can buy visibility online--with money and/or time. I say time because I know there are a lot of really popular blogs and personal sites out there that barely cost any money, but they require a ton of dedication, and most people (myself included) do not have that kind of time.

Sure, with my little blog I have a bit of influence--the 100 or so people who read it are subjected to my opinions and maybe take something from them. But that's an incredibly small portion of the population, and I won't really be able to raise that number unless I dedicate my time to increasing my online visibility. And even then, only certain people, people who are "predisposed" to my kind of thinking, will be the ones that read it. Last week in class, a fellow student showed the following video as part of a presentation. It's a TED talk by Eli Pariser about how Google and Facebook and others are tailoring what you see online--and while they're giving you what you supposedly want, they're also filtering out the other side of the story.

Thanks for this, Shaun!

So things are looking pretty bleak. Maybe blogging is not the be-all end-all of resistance it was once thought to be. (Again, I'm not citing that. I've just decided that's what it was once thought to be. Deal with it.) But then I start thinking about three of the blogs I read for fun, which are incredibly popular and widely read. These are blogs that aren't political by any means--they're funny and entertaining, focused mostly on the ridiculousness of everyday life. And yet, there is a resistant element to all of these blogs. At one time or another, the women who write these three blogs that I'm talking about have spoken out about, and resisted the stigma against, mental illness.

via Hyperbole and a Half

On Hyperbole and a Half, Allie openly discusses her adventures with depression. On The Bloggess, Jenny writes about her personal battle with depression and self-harm. (And Jenny started the silver ribbon campaign to raise awareness about self-harm that took over Twitter a few weeks ago!) On Nicole is Better, Nicole Antoinette talks about depression and her time "in the hole" eating candy canes in the dark--and her support system that pulled her back out. And I think this is incredibly powerful. The visibility that these women have in the blogosphere is incredible, and, I would argue, widespread--they're not stuck with a particular political audience, because these are personal blogs. They're resisting the idea that real, personal lives aren't affected by mental illness and ableism. And the fact that they are willing to speak out, to resist, is mindblowing. Kudos, ladies! You help me keep believing :)

The day I was feminist enough, or why refreshing, rethinking and redefining feminism can be a disaster or it can be AWESOME.

So I was going to write a post about family and the holidays and all that stuff as my first post back from vacation but then last night I stumbled upon this website and I decided to write about it instead.

The website is called "I'm Feminist Enough..." and it currently features three videos of women finishing that sentence. Like "I'm feminist enough not to judge other women" or "I'm feminist enough to  paint my nails before I go camping." Shannon Washington, the creator of the site, was inspired (or provoked) by Beyonce's comment in an interview sometime in 2011. When asked if she was a feminist, Beyonce said:

I don’t really feel that it’s necessary to define it. It’s just something that’s kind of natural for me, and I feel like…you know…it’s, like, what I live for.... I need to find a catchy new word for feminism, right? Like Bootylicious.

Washington found this rather troubling. What's wrong with feminism? But Washington says that for "many women of color, especially young women, the word 'feminist' provokes an image that is antiquated, overtly-aggressive, anti-male and white." (You have NO IDEA how much it pains me to write "color" instead of "colour" when I'm quoting someone American.) But, uh, to me, "bootylicious" provokes a highly sexualized image of women. Something new and different! (That was sarcasm...) So Washington decided that it was time to rethink and refresh feminism, specifically for women of colour. (HA. Spelled it my way. Paraphrasing is super cool.) And thus "I'm Feminist Enough..." was born! Washington writes:

Using video and still imagery, the 'I’m Feminist Enough…' project seeks to visualize the fresh face of feminism and demonstrate to our young sisters (and brothers) the value of feminist thought in our daily lives in a manner that is simple, sexy, modern and easy. Yes, you can be a feminist but get a kick out having the door held open for you. These actions don’t define your place as a woman, you do.

Awesome. But this isn't just a post advertising this site (although it kind of is...). I have some thoughts about it.

Obviously, I am not a woman of colour (well, actually I suppose that wasn't obvious until right now since you can't see me...), and I want to start by saying that in no way am I attempting to speak on behalf of anyone else. Feminism has not always been kind of women of colour, and it still isn't (remember some of the incidents at Slutwalk?), and I acknowledge that and in no way want to excuse that. However, I do want to think about what feminism means and what movements like this one that "refresh" feminism are doing. This website sparked ideas that I've been thinking about for a long time, so I'm taking my ideas and running with them, but I do not mean to erase the really fucking important shit that Washington is addressing when she talks about redefining feminism for women of colour. 

So I think I could look at this "I'm Feminist Enough..." movement one of two ways. First of all, the cynical way. I could say that these videos are promoting the idea that as long as a woman (or man or anyone else) calls herself a "feminist," then everything she does, from shaving her head to paying her own bills to running a company to painting her nails before going on a camping trip, is a feminist or radical act. And I have a problem with that. Because unless you discover some radical, transgressive way to paint your nails, painting them is not really a feminist act in the sense that it is furthering the cause of feminism. It may be a feminist act in the literal sense that a feminist is doing it. But painting your nails is conforming to the patriarchal definition of femininity. (I don't really know where it started, but my guess is women weren't just born with this natural urge to have pink nails.) BUT. BUT. NO. Don't yell at me and tell me that you are not brainwashed just because you paint your nails. I KNOW THIS. I paint my nails too. (Sometimes. I have really long hard nails and therefore I use them as tools to open things and stuff so they chip really fast and it's annoying. But I paint my toenails a lot.) So yeah. I have a problem when people say that everything a woman does is a feminist act just because she's a woman so obviously she believes in her own equality so if she wants to get breast implants THEY'RE FEMINIST BREAST IMPLANTS BECAUSE NO MAN PHYSICALLY MADE HER DO IT. Uhhh...riiiiiiight. Because in no way are we taught from birth that breasts are purely sex toys for men. That's not something we grew up hearing AT ALL. That's why breastfeeding in public is not an issue at all! Because we haven't overly sexualized breasts! They're totally neutral vessels of baby food! And risking your life to make them bigger and likely also completely ineffective as vessels of baby food has NOTHING TO DO WITH MEN OR SEXISM AT ALL. (Sidenote: I am not saying that all women need to use their breasts as vessels of baby food and that if you don't procreate and breastfeed you fail as a woman. I am also not saying that all women who have breast implants are brainwashed by the patriarchy. I just got a bit carried away with my sarcasm. However, we live in a patriarchal society. And you can't just decide you're outside that and have that be the end of it.)

See? Ryan gets it.

However, I'm not convinced that is the message of "I'm Feminist Enough..." (Although it is the message of A LOT of things which is why I wanted to talk about it. For another totally awesome post on this subject by Meghan Murphy, look here. I totally quoted it in an essay I wrote. It's fun using blog posts as sources in essays. You get to swear and use caps lock a lot.) I want to look at "I'm Feminist Enough..." from another angle, an angle that a like I lot more. I think these videos promote the idea that a woman can be a feminist without having to make her every move a radical one so long as she is aware that many of her actions are not radical or even feminist. And the videos promote the idea that feminists do not have to feel guilty every time they do something slightly "unfeminist," like paint their nails. And sometimes, the "unfeminist" thing to do is the logical one. And sometimes even though it seems "unfeminist," it actually kind of isn't. One woman in the videos said that she's feminist enough to be the chef in her heterosexual relationship because she's the good cook and she's not going to eat her fiance's shitty food to prove a point. She's feminist enough to understand that feminists ARE PEOPLE. (WHOA! What a novel concept!) Feminism is not reversing gender roles. Feminism is not giving up things that make you happy. And feminism cannot be achieved by an individual. Because we're all going to mess up. Not one of us individually can be the perfect feminist. I fuck up. A lot. I like to use the word "bitch." I try not to do it in public too often. But it's fun to say! And no, it's not feminist when I do it. I am not reinventing the meaning of the word "bitch" when I use it as an insult. And sometimes I assume that most straight men think with their penises and that I can get what I want if I dress a certain way or behave a certain way. And that the men won't mind. That's really not feminist. That's manipulative and cruel.

But together, maybe feminists can get more done. We live in a culture that praises people for being individuals, for accomplishing things alone, but can't we get more done together? One of the women in the videos said that she's feminist enough not to judge other women. So if women (and men and everyone else) stop judging one another for their individual little fuck ups and instead focus on collectively working towards a goal (and also focus on LISTENING to one another WITHOUT GETTING DEFENSIVE when we kindly remind each other that maybe calling someone a pussy isn't exactly a feminist action...), maybe feminism still has a shot.

If I was making a video for "I'm Feminist Enough..." I would say, "I'm feminist enough to know that not every move I make is radical or even feminist. And I'm okay with my fuck ups. Because I'm human. But I'm also feminist enough to keep trying to fuck up less."

What would you say? As Shannon Washington said, "There is no right or wrong, just truth." If you want to get involved with the actual movement, and not just my discussion of it, you can find contact info on the "I'm Feminist Enough..." website.

The day shit got serious, or why I think we need to stop for a moment of solidarity and respect

I have been notified that some people were unable to post comments on this blog! Very sorry. I think I've fixed it now. But if I haven't, let me know by, uh...not commenting. Also, the two people who wanted to comment but couldn't were men in their 50s. I'm not sure what that says about my blog or my life...maybe it means I attract a distinguished audience. Or maybe retirees just have more time to comment on blogs. And then BBM each other about how they can't comment on blogs.

Anyway, I want to recommend that everyone take a moment today to reflect on what justice means to you. I probably haven't been following the news about the G20 arrests and trials as closely as I should have, and I'm not close to any of the so-called "ring leaders," but I do know a lot of people that are. And I have been reading all the headlines and snippets of news articles that get posted by their friends and loved ones on Facebook.

I don't have any profound statements to make about what justice should be. I don't know exactly what I think should have happened at the G20, and I'm not entirely sure how I think the trials should have gone. But I do know that something is very, very wrong with the way Canada has come to understand the word "justice." And I do know that this issue is something worth talking about.

Please, take a moment to read the individual statements of the accused, six of whom will go to prison, and many of whom have already served time in jail or on house arrest. Take a moment to think about what it means that these people are being presented to us by the media as some sort of cohesive group of evil-doers and conspirators, when, as they say here:

"This alleged conspiracy is absurd. We were never all part of any one group, we didn’t all organize together, and our political backgrounds are all different. Some of us met for the first time in jail. What we do have in common is that we, like many others, are passionate about creating communities of resistance."

Also, take a moment to read this article, and think about how incredible it is that the plea that was settled on - that six of them would plead guilty and eleven would have their charges dropped - was reached through consensus on the part of the seventeen accused:

"The group met on Sept. 21 and began exploring the possibilities of a plea. According to the Toronto Star, the group met six more times with the meetings being emotionally fraught, some up to seven hours long. They had agreed up front that any decision made would have to be unanimous and reached through consensus. It meant that all 17 were given time to voice any concerns. Amanda Hiscocks said there were tears, frustration, anger and laughter. It's a horrible position to be in, to sit around a table to decide who's going to jail and for how long."

Think about it. How many times in your life have you been in a group that needed to make a decision and the group just could not agree on any one thing? Even if it was where to go for dinner or what kind of office chairs to buy? 

Ruth Farquhar admits: "As I read how they reached a consensus, I thought, what a skillset these people have. I have sat on many boards and belonged to organizations that never would have been able to work under such pressure to reach a consensus on decisions .... I was astounded at the dynamic -- nobody speaking over anybody else, people giving their opinion, people saying, 'I'll take more but I want this person's charges to be withdrawn for these reasons'."

Maybe the people commenting on this article from The Globe and Mail who are referring to the accused as "idiots" and "parasites on society" should think about how they would handle making a decision like that.

I'm not saying that I have the answers here. But what I am suggesting is that you spend a few minutes today thinking about what justice is in this country, and in this world, and what it should be. What does justice mean to you?

(Things won't always be this serious on here. Just when I think something is really fucking important. I warned you on my fantastic About the Writing page that everyone should check out that although I want to challenge the notion that all grad students do is protest shit and whine about marking, we do do those things a lot. So here. I'm protesting shit. Sort of. Really I'm sitting at my computer in my pyjamas. It's a mental protest.)

(Tomorrow I'm putting up my Christmas tree. GET EXCITED.)