Friday, 2 December 2011

The day the Jocelyn stole SWAGmas, or why I'M SO EFFING EXCITED ABOUT CHRISTMAS

So yesterday was December 1st. Which meant that my man-friend Jimmifer* officially lifted the ban on Christmas music in our apartment that I have been breaking every day since about mid-November. He's at work all day. He doesn't have to know. Also, it meant we got to put up our very first CHRISTMAS TREE (it's three feet tall and adorable and has garland and bells and a star made of paper and coloured with highlighter because we forgot to buy a tree topper) and I got to wear my Christmas socks and my Christmas underwear and drink hot chocolate and YAY I LOVE CHRISTMAS. (I wore clothes over my Christmas underwear, you perv. I just felt it was important to point out that I did, in fact, make a point of wearing Christmas underwear when decorating my first Christmas tree in my first apartment with Jimmifer.) Look at our tree!!!!

It's like we're our own little family now!!!! I feel so...grown up. Because grown ups put their Christmas trees on coffee tables and make stars out of printer paper and highlighters. But seriously. I am so happy that we finally get to have our own little Christmas. It makes it feel more special. Aww.

Anyway, the greatest part about me loving Christmas is that I love it for no particular reason. I get super duper excited and watch the Toronto Santa Claus parade (on TV while drinking hot chocolate because it's too cold and crowded and far away to actually go watch it in real life but I haven't watched it yet because I never watch it before I'm done my coursework for the term SO DON'T TELL ME HOW IT ENDS) and decorate things and watch tons of Christmas movies and yell at the sky until it snows and get Christmas drinks from Starbucks and Second Cup (there's this amazing one that I keep calling "Santa's orgasm" because the first time I tried it I was all like "OMG IT TASTES LIKE SANTA EXPLODED IN MY MOUTH" but now I can't remember what it's actually called and I think if I ordered a Santa's orgasm I would not get what I wanted so I'm sad) and wear Christmas outfits and Christmas jewelry and then Christmas comes and usually pretty much nothing happens except I get gifts that I picked out myself because my mom got bored of trying to surprise me and then we eat a lot but it's never as good as Thanksgiving dinner but I AM NEVER DISAPPOINTED. It's like all I need is the excitement. It doesn't matter that Christmas Day pretty much unfolds the same way every year and nothing really that amazing happens. I still get excited.

Part of what is adding to my excitement this year is this abso-fucking-lutely absurd and wonderful remix of Little Drummer Boy by Justin Bieber and - wait for it - BUSTA RHYMES. He raps about eggnog and Twitter. I don't even know what's happening. But it's like a Christmas dance party, which is totally a combination of my two favourite things. Here they are performing it live at Rockefeller Christmas 2011:

Yes, I do believe Justin insinuated that he should have been in the Bible and compared himself to Michael Jackson all within the first verse. So because this is just the most amazing and ridiculous thing happening this holiday season, I officially dub Christmas 2011 "SWAGmas" in honour of the Biebz and his effervescent swag. (I'm not going to lie, MTV totally tweeted something about SWAGmas and I was like I'M TOTALLY STEALING THAT. And then I did. But I'm totally copyrighting the phrase "effervescent swag.")

I have like fourteen other things I want to say about Christmas SWAGmas but I'm trying to keep my posts short and sweet and to the point (if there is a point...) because I have a tendency to be a tad I'll leave you with a teaser for my next post about SWAGmas: WTF is with that Band Aid song "Do They Know It's Christmas?"? (Weird formatting there with the double question marks...)


*Yes, if you've been following my blog thus far you will have just realized that both my father (Jimand) and my man-friend (Jimmifer) are named Jim - I dare you to try and come up with an Oedipal complex/daddy issues joke I haven't heard. Seriously. Go for it.


  1. Plus this year we will be building a Christmas fort. Which should probably be named Fort Swag. Exciting.

  2. Bahahaha. Any fort with us in it is Fort Swag. Also, thank you for commenting. It makes me feel loved..

  3. That star was totally my idea although it was your highlighter but still I'm not letting you steal the credit for my amazing tree-topper genius


  4. I'm glad you feel loved :)